Response to sample essays

“It Gives You Wings”
Sample G


The pros

1. Well-integrated sources lead to a varied reading experience
2. Claims are well-supported
3. Implications of fast-paced lifestyles are satisfactorily explored
4. Word choice is varied

The cons

1. Sentence structure is choppy, hard to follow
2. Lots of cop-out or general claims like “We are among the top producers as well as top consumers of a multitude of products” in the introduction paragraph
3. Repetitive conclusions, lack of depth in analyzation
4. A paragraph wholly dedicated to “Holy Shit”
5. Overuse of third-person plural in reference to “American society”
6. Some citations, like the one on page 5, contribute little to the discourse

Apple’s iPod: I’ve Got the World on a String (Shaped Earphone Chord [sic])

Sample H

The pros

1. Varied word choice
2. Interesting background information on Apple products

The cons

1. Use of “etc.”
2. Little to no analyzation; paper is merely a summary of Apple product offerings
3. The claim at the end of page 4 is both poorly constructed and not supported with proper evidence
4. Page 4 is a sea of quotation marks that make me think the writer likes to use “air quotes” in real life
5. On page 3, content about podcasting is plagiarized from the Wikipedia article on the topic
6. Copious amounts of speculation and irrelevant personal addenda